The Unspeakables

Looking for love in all the wrong places

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Bitza

Randy
Hunk of burning love

Randy

Herpes

Kissing or having sex can spread Herpes Simplex Virus - known commonly as Cold Sores or Genital Herpes. Herpes causes a red, painful and itchy rash, with blisters, broken skin or ulcers. There are two types of Herpes Virus that cause similar symptoms - Herpes Simplex Virus 1 (HSV1) and Herpes Simplex Virus 2 (HSV2). HSV1 is more likely to affect the lips and mouth, while HSV2 is more likely to affect the genitals, buttocks, inner thighs or anus. Initial infection is usually the worst, but outbreaks can keep recurring. There is no ‘cure’, but Antiviral drugs help to reduce the frequency and severity of outbreaks. It is estimated that 76% of Australian adults have HSV1 infection and 12% have HSV2. It is very common and many people have both types.

Chlamydia

Australia is currently facing a ‘silent epidemic’ of Chlamydia. This bacterial infection is usually spread by not using a condom and having Vaginal or Anal Sex, but you can still catch it from Oral Sex too! It is particularly common in teenagers and adults under the age of 30. Most infected people don’t feel any different, so you could have it RIGHT NOW and not even know it! The next person who receives your sexual attention may receive more than just a ‘good time’ or they could unsuspectingly give it to you!

If you get any symptoms at all, you may only notice a watery discharge from your penis or vagina. Stinging when you pee may also indicate this infection. Chlamydia can cause a bloke’s testicles or even the prostate to become swollen and painful, while women can feel a deep pain or cramping in their lower abdomen or pelvis. Chlamydia acts like a superglue and can clog up your “genital pipes” - this can cause infertility in both women and men and is a BIG reason to get checked!

You can test for Chlamydia by having a urine test - painless! You can treat Chlamydia with oral antibiotic tablets - easy! You can be reinfected by your partner - insist they have treatment!

Syphilis

This may sound like an ancient disease, but Australia is currently experiencing an epidemic of Syphilis. This bacterium is mainly infecting men who have sex with men, but women can also be infected. Early on, most people don’t know that they have Syphilis, but after a few weeks, painless, round sores can appear. They may be noticed on the skin, lips or inside the mouth, but often they go unnoticed inside the vagina or rectum. Syphilis is spread by having close contact with these sores and unprotected Vaginal, Anal or Oral sex are perfect ways to catch it. A red rash on the skin, especially on the palms of the hands and soles of the feet may be another hint that Syphilis is causing bodily mischief. Syphilis can lead to disastrous medical consequences if left untreated, as the infection damages nearly all parts of the body. Syphilis can be detected by having a Blood Test. It can be treated with antibiotics.

Jar

Interests

Getting buff and scoring fluff, taking selfies, chiko roles, playing Ultimate Frisbee pants-less, Right Said Fred.

About Me

I'm an infectious personality - I'll give you an itch you'll always want to scratch. Look, I'm not the type to blow my own horn (that's your job)... But it's been said that I'm burning hot between the sheets - who am I to argue? And hey, everyone's got a past. Sure, it's true I've spread a lot of love around back in the day. What can I say, I love the ladies. But I can guarantee I've still got plenty of red-hot lovin' to give. You might even get a little lovesick. You'll definitely need an ice pack in your grundies.

I also speak a bit of French - just the basics. Bonjour... Ménage à trois...

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Are you looking for a Randy time? I'm known for being dirty and I'm up for anything.

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Muffet
Looking to get tied up

Muffet

Asymmetric Breasts

Most women will notice that their breasts are slightly different in size or shape, but are unconcerned about a small difference between the two sides as it does not usually affect their function. If there is a ‘cup size’ difference between breasts, then the asymmetry is more noticeable. Pregnancy, breast feeding, cysts, tumours, cancers, trauma or operations can all lead to asymmetry of the breasts, but often it occurs spontaneously. If unequal breasts are cosmetically unfavourable, medically concerning or causing significant psychological stress, then an operation may be required to surgically alter their appearance.

Hyperhidrosis (excess sweating)

A natural way for our body to cool itself down is by sweating, but Hyperhidrosis is when the amount of sweat becomes ridiculous. Both men and women are affected equally and 3% of the population are intimately familiar with this problem. Excessive sweating can occur without an obvious cause in many people, but overheating and stress are typical triggers that can make it worse. Medical causes include being overweight, having hormonal changes, hyperthyroidism, anxiety, overheating and some medications can cause it to occur. The best solution is to identify and treat the underlying medical problem, but losing weight, antiperspirants, Iontophoresis (a treatment using small electrical currents) and even injections of Botulinum toxin into the sweaty areas, can be effective.

Hirsutism

Hair can grow in odd places, but when a woman starts to grow unwanted hair in a typically ‘male’ pattern, this is called Hirsutism. A moustache, beard, chest hair or back hair occurring in a woman can be very distressing. This abnormal hair growth can be inherited, but it is often related to hormonal changes, especially in females with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). It can be treated with oral medication, topical creams, frequent shaving, waxing, electrolysis or laser hair removal.

Jar

Interests

My dog - Sean Connery, shopping, dancing, shopping while dancing, hair gel, chest rugs, 'Hair' - The Musical, hand-woven wicker baskets, shaving my feet.

About Me

I'm a follicularly challenged female prone to monthly spurts of wild hysteria. That's what the police report said anyway.

I like to wax lyrical about life – enjoy every moment I say. Hair today, gone tomorrow, lol.

I'm sometimes a bit OTT and get into the odd wooly situation. Perhaps I should tame my ways a bit... but I just like letting my hair down.

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If you're not afraid to get tangled up, you won't mind me being ALL over you. Bonus points if you've got ample hair gel and aren't afraid to use it.

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Bitza
Okay with excess baggage

Bitza

Alopecia Areata (Patchy Hair Loss)

Alopecia areata is an autoimmune condition which causes patchy hair loss to occur. Hair loss can range from a small, solitary, bald patch to multiple patches, widespread areas of skin or even the whole body. It is often temporary but can become permanent. It usually affects hair on the scalp but can affect any area of the body including the beard area, eyebrows and eyelashes. Steroid injections can be a very effective treatment if performed early.

Inverted Nipples

Inverted nipples point inwards, rather than outwards. Some people are born like this, but others develop it at another time of life - some causes include trauma, breast feeding, pregnancy, infections, tumours, cysts and cancers. The tip of the nipple is tethered to shortened milk ducts or the underlying breast tissue and this prevents the nipple from poking outwards normally. Cosmetically this can cause concern and breast feeding can be a real challenge. Treatment often involves surgery to obtain a better cosmetic result, but this can permanently prevent the chance of successful breast feeding. If your nipple has suddenly changed or recently become inverted, please check it out with your doctor.

Vitiligo

Vitiligo is an autoimmune condition that causes patches skin to lose pigmentation and become white. The white patches can range from being small to very extensive. It affects about 1% of the population and is inherited in 20% of cases. It usually starts to occur as a child or in teenage years, affects men and women equally and can affect every race and skin type. People with Vitiligo are usually healthy but have a higher risk of developing another autoimmune condition - these include Thyroid Disease, Diabetes and Alopecia areata (patchy hair loss). Steroid creams, injections or tablets may be successful if used early. Preventing sunburn is very important as the skin has no pigment to protect itself. Cosmetic ‘coverups’ are also frequently used.

Jar

Interests

Anything that can be done under the cover of a bag, packing my own groceries, miniature train sets, collecting stamps, pickling things I find on the street, shadow puppets, Davy Jones' Squid Beard.

About Me

I'm sort of a mixed bag really. I'm often misunderstood for supermarket shopping and can go home with the wrong people.

I am a bit shy and mysterious but if you're willing to get to know me, you'll see there's more to this bag of tricks than meets the eye.

I'm tired of people thinking that saying "that's not my bag baby" is funny... because it's not.

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If you're not turned off by what you read and saw here, you may be the one.

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Toomah
One lump or two?

Toomah

Sebaceous Cysts

Ouch! Small Sebaceous Cysts are firm, cream-coloured lumps in the skin and are usually not painful - but large ones can be ghastly! These innocent lumps start off small but can commonly grow up to 5cm in diametre. Skin is populated with plenty of helpful sebaceous glands that produce protective, moisturising, natural oil. If the opening of the gland becomes blocked, the oil has no where to escape and grows into a large sebaceous cyst. They become painful, infected and can burst - discharging a putrid, thick, nastiness into the world. What makes them even worse, it that they tend to occur in the skin of the scalp, face, neck, back, groin and scrotum.

Hydrocoele

Mangoes are normally considered to be a lovely, delicious fruit, but it’s not so good when your testicle starts to resemble one. A Hydrocoele occurs when fluid builds up around the testicle in a stretchy sac and the scrotum starts to appear very large and swollen. This normally only happens on one side, but can happen in both. Baby boys can be born with Hydrocoeles - spontaneous resolution can occur, but sometimes they require surgery. Adult men can develop Hydrocoeles spontaneously, but they can also be caused by infection, inflammation or from injury to the testicle.

Gynaecomastia

Many men appreciate a large pair of breasts, but usually not when they are looking down at their own pair. When males develop increased breast tissue in one or both breasts, it is called Gynaecomastia. This commonly occurs in infancy or puberty for a short period of time, due to temporary hormonal changes. However, it is common to occur at any age and 1 in 3 older men will develop gynaecomastia. ‘Man Boobs’ can develop due to hormonal changes, weight gain, hereditary conditions, chronic disease or from the use of some medication. Excessive alcohol use can cause liver damage and can lead to a larger ‘cup size’ in men. Some pain medication, Anabolic steroids and using Marijuana are all often associated with the development of a more impressive bust.

Jar

Interests

Germinating exotic plants, scrapbooking, growing my own vegetables, sensual Thai massage, sticky-taping things together, Phrenology.

About Me

I've been told I'm a grow-er... not a show-er.

Past lovers have accused me of being malignant but I swear I'm harmless. I just get really, really attached and have a way of growing on you in ways you don't expect.

I suffer from separation anxiety so its best we stay joined at the hip/front/back/gusset, etc.

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Are you ready to share your love and body with someone? You can’t be afraid of a bumpy ride - that's commitment, baby... I want to be stuck to someone for life.

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Soozey
Self-confessed gas bag

Soozey

Halitosis

There are many different medical conditions that can cause a ghastly breath and Soozey's got all of them. Halitosis describes any rank breath, but nasty bacteria making their home at the back of the tongue often causes it to occur. Bacteria can create a foul-stench that is emitted with every breath. The odour can be made worse from poor dental hygiene, a dry mouth or from infections in the teeth, gums, throat or sinuses. Halitosis can be caused by medication, smoking and your diet can also affect your breath. About 2.4% of Australian Adults suffer from bad breath.

Excessive Flatulence

Eww! Excessive flatulence can be caused by lactose intolerance, fructose malabsorption, eating certain foods or from suddenly switching to a high-fibre diet. However, passing large amounts of wind can also be a symptom of many other digestive disorders, including a bowel infection or Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Don’t light a match anywhere near Soozey!

Chronic Constipation

Constipation is when it becomes infrequent to have a bowel action, usually fewer than three times a week. It can be caused by a change in routine, a low fibre diet, insufficient water, lack of regular exercise, some medication, pregnancy, ageing and many different medical conditions. The poo can become dry and hard and it’s often difficult to push it out. Soozey reads on the toilet and in fact she keeps a whole library in her bathroom! She’s unfortunately always in there for far too long!

Jar

Interests

Hot air ballooning, High Tea, windmills, playing the French horn, gooseberry wine, antique latrines, aromatherapy, quilting, well-mannered frivolity.

About Me

I am a civilised mature woman, abounding in natural scent. I enjoy staying in for sensual evenings. The best film ever made is Gone with the Wind. This is a fact. I'm a hopeless romantic.

I think dating and relationships should never feel like a strain. I like to relax and come what may.

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Are you looking for someone not too full of hot air? Want something that feels natural? I am preferably looking for someone with little to no sense of smell. If that sounds like you... "let's rip!" as the young ones say!

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Flakes

Eczema

Eczema is the most common skin disease in Australia. It causes patches of the skin to become dry, red, itchy and cracked. It is a recurring, inflammatory skin condition and often affects babies and children on their face, inner elbows and behind the knees. Most people grow out of it by their 6th birthday, but people at any age can still be affected. Adults are less likely to have Eczema on their face, but it commonly occurs on their neck, hands, inner elbows and behind the knees. It is not infectious to other people, but the affected skin can become infected with bacteria. Unfortunately 1 in 3 Ozzies will suffer from Eczema at some stage of their life.

Psoriasis

Psoriasis is a common skin condition that affects almost 3% of the Australian Population (2.6%). An overactive immune system causes patches of skin to appear red, often covered by a thick, silvery-coloured scale. Psoriasis causes tiny blood vessels to grow just under the skin surface and this makes it look red. The skin grows faster than usual and becomes dry, thick, flaky and itchy.

Excess Skin

Most of us have a little bit of excess weight, but fortunately our skin stretches to keep everything in a tidy, ‘human-shaped’ package. If we lose this ‘little bit of extra weight’, our skin bounces back into its old shape. However, some of us become overweight and our skin over-stretches to accommodate a larger body size. When we lose a lot of excess weight, the skin can’t bounce back because it has lost its elasticity. Excess skin can hang around as a loose, floppy reminder of the past.

Jar

Interests

Moisturizing, playing scratch cards, boiled sweets, oatmeal baths, eating corn flakes for dinner, pick'n'mix at the cinema

About Me

I'm a dry personality. Might be a bit flaky with social commitments. I'm just better one-on-one.

Once I get into someone I can't peel myself away. My last relationship ended after they got the seven-year itch. It's still a bit raw for me.

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Don't mind a bit of pash rash? I'm very sensitive so I don't want to date anyone who's prone to outbreaks. I'm looking for someone calm who I can really flesh things out with. Definitely someone with an open heart... and pores.

Flakes